Unkie Herb

Ever notice how when you’re approaching a girl on the street she unconsciously brushes her hand through her hair? You know why a lady does this? It’s ’cause she thinks you’re cute and she’s checkin to make sure she’s lookin her best. Most of the time she isn’t thinkin about it, she just gets it done.

You ever catch yourself doing it? All the time (admit it, pretty boy).

It’s ridiculous how bombarded we are by “guy vs. girl” crap in movies, music and TV. Yet somehow it really never gets old. Well, some of it, anyway. While we begrudge saying so, we can’t deny the love interest introduction scene in a book or film.I recently saw the new Tony Jaa movie. He’s the badass Muay Thai fighter who starred in Ong Bak: The Thai Warrior. That movie featured some of the most vicious martial arts and flat out entertaining chase scenes in memory. His newest was released last year in Asia (as Tom Yum Goong), and this year in the UK (as The Warrior King) and the US/Canada (as The Protector). It’ll suffise to say that this movie is incredible, and I recommend it to even a passing action film fan. It’s downright packed with madness. Absolute insanity.

But jammed between the insanity was this one scene. I think it was somewhere after a fight scene involving dozens of rollerbladers, bmxers and a four-wheel ATV. All of a sudden, in the alleys of Sydney, was the love interest. Upon noticing myself perk up (I didn’t think it was possible after the boat chase), I saw that, yes, so too had my friends watching with me. Granted, she was Thai, smoking hot and working as a call girl, but I’ve seen it all before in countless plotless action flicks. Why am I still dragged in by the same cheap tactics?

It wasn’t until today that I figured it out. I stopped for take out sushi on my way home and two girls were outside the shop chatting. They noticed me, checked me out. I saw a pointed glance at my shoes (flip flops, damn!). Regardless, they looked back at each other and both checked their hair and smiled at each other. One of them was self-conscious about her teeth, so she delicately covered her mouth with her hand.

It was hilarious and adorable. And it was a great answer to my own question. Why do I get sucked in by the crap? Cause I love girls, and even though I’m terrible at relationships, I’m great at convincing myself I want one.

Girls are awesome.

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I’m less than an hour outside the city but the noise and pollution are a distant memory. I’ve just finished setting up my cheap-ass Carrefour tent and I’m swimming across the cool river pool to the rockface on the far side. Luc is already leaping over my head. He was slightly quicker with his tent.

Wulai town is a popular Taipei tourist destination. However the mountains surrounding it are little known, much to an explorer’s advantage. The atmosphere couldn’t be further from life inside the city. The air is cool and fresh. The river crystal clear, perfectly cold in the summer sun. A doable day trip, it is better exploited for weekend camping. We found ourselves a patch of pebbly beach and set up camp. We paid nothing, except to jam a cooler with jerky and beer from the seven eleven.

To get there, we needed a car and a few motorbikes. The bus goes to Wulai town, but the most secluded parts of the river are beyond the town itself. We could have taken a taxi, but getting one to come pick us up at the end of the weekend seemed sketchy. The drive was spectacular. It might have been the best part of the trip, especially on a bike.

We cruised to Xindian MRT station (the second last one heading south on the Green Line). The best way by road is to take Roosevelt Rd South from Taipei City. We rolled past Xindian Station and continued for a few more blocks up a hill until we saw a large sign that points to a right turn: “Wulai”. We followed the main road (all turn offs are clearly smaller options) up and up. We passed some heartstopping vistas, dropoffs, and waterfalls.

When we reached a suspension bridge, made of rope and rubber, we were in prime camping territory. One option was to cross the bridge (we took our bikes across, but no cars) and head a few hundred meters down the path on the other side. There was a set of crumbling concrete steps leading down to the river. We scambled down and made a right, boulder-hopping along the river for hundred meters or so. Around a bend to hide us from the locals and we were flopping on the first sizeable beach we saw. The tents were hastily pitched and we were swimming immediately.

There are other spots around, just find any access down to the river and trek along it until you find a patch of beach. Ideally, get yourself around a riverbend from the access point, otherwise you’ll deal with curious tourists on weekend afternoons.

Remember, cell phone access ranges from limited to non-existent. Bring food, water and flashlights. Beer is also a good idea. It gets cold at night in the mountains, even when it’s forty degrees in Taipei. Sleeping bags, tents and other camping equipment at laughable prices are at Carrefour.

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Well. To begin, it would have been a good idea to come with more than a return ticket and map to a hostel. But I guess I’ve done alright considering.

First thing to consider: is teaching right for you?

Finished?

Good. Let’s get to the important stuff.

Get a multiple entry visa: this allows you to make a visa renewal trip (leaving and returning to the country extends the visitor visa) if by a stroke of poor luck you don’t have your one year working visa. Plus, it means you can take a great trip to Thailand, Vietnam, Japan or China (for pennies) if you’re waiting for a job to start. Or if you need a visa renewal.

Have a Bachelor’s Degree in anything: Even such unrelated majors such as Dance, Engineering, Thai Black Market Degrees, Philosophy (me).

Know English: This can be especially troubling when your first boss is an English Teacher from Montana. Apparently they learn the language before they teach it there.

More importantly, be from somewhere where other people know English: To be honest, even that Montana guy didn’t call me on my mistakes. Just be from Canada, the U.S., Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, the U.K., or South Africa, and you’re gold.
Not much else to say. I’m sure you’ve already checked out the loads of mainstream stuff on eslcafe.com and tealit.com, a couple of great resources… Good Luck!

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There are numerous problems with Taiwan’s beach scene.

That said, the scene is rewarding and often undercrowded, if you know what you’re doing. For starters, please don’t listen to what Lonely Planet has to say on the topic because it generally recommends the most touristed and least enjoyable beaches on the island.

The biggest problem with beach life in Taiwan is the lack of available public beaches. Much of Taiwan’s coast is much too rocky and mountainous, which makes it very picturesque (the whole seaside cliff thing) but not great for sprawled out sand time. The flatter West coast is on the Taiwan Strait, which separates the rogue island from the ever threatening mainland. Due to the sabre rattling on both sides of the Strait

many potential beach sites have been military bases for decades. Even if no base is present, the whole coastline has anti-invasion measures, such as huge concrete walls (which also serve well during typhoons) and massive concrete blocks designed to impede landing craft. There are beaches, but you have to find them (or let me tell you where they are).

Another issue that dampens beach action is the average Taiwanese person. While lovable, friendly and helpful, the Taiwanese cannot swim to save their lives. Literally. In both coastal currents and mountain rivers, the Taiwanese have a propensity for drowning. This is unfortunate and has led to many beaches employing overzealous lifeguards. This ATV careening power-trippers, whistles screaming, come flying out to call any potential swimmer back into shore. Their limit for water play seems to be around knee deep. So no swimming, unless you have a surf board.

To avoid the second issue, one must work around the first. Search out the less popular beaches to avoid the crowds and the lifeguards, and you will thank yourself. The two beaches to avoid around Taipei are Baishawan (White Sand Beach, northeast of Danshui on the north coast of Taiwan), and Fulong.

Baishawan is most easily accessible by taking the MRT to Danshui station and then cabbing or busing north. It should cost about $400 NT in a taxi or $50 NT in a bus, and be less than an hour unless traffic is very bad. It’s a nice beige-ish beach with a roped off swimming area (you can go deeper than your knees inside) that is generally overpacked with families. Facing the water, head left of the swimming area and walk as far as you like to avoid the crowds, but along here you will meet the lifeguards whistling at you to come back in nearly every time you venture out for some romping in the surf. There are several English menued cafes along the highway just up from the beach, most have beach access and patios with excellent sunsets.

Fulong is most easily accessible by train to Fulong Station further east along the Northeast coast, from which the beach is a short walk. Here again you have nice off white sand, a roped swimming area and annoying lifeguards. This is probably Taipei’s most touristed beach, and while nice, is much too crowded and expensive. There is a minimum charge to be on the beach.

To avoid these traps, stay on the train a little longer and head to the East coast. Many expats enjoy Dasi (pronounced Dah-shee), a tiny coastal town with a decent beach. There are usually several small beach parties here every summer. The beach is black sand and a little rocky, but otherwise little used and enjoyable. The town of Dasi has a dearth of afforable accommodation, which makes it difficult to do a overnight trip. If you can find it, there is a small but good Vietnamese restaurant on the second floor of a house.

Better than Dasi with more to do, the best option for weekenders looking for more than a day trip is Toucheng (Toh-chen). A larger town with more options for hotels, guesthouses and restaurants, the city is a short taxi ride ($120 NT) from Ousigao (Oo-se-gow) beach. A massive stretch of powdery black sand,

the beach is actually part of a larger span that winds almost all the way north to Dasi, several train stations away. This beach is popular with the growing surf scene in Taiwan, but is otherwise little used and very laid back. What sets this beach apart from others in the region is the availability of English speaking accommodation and entertainment. Let me explain.

Take the train to Toucheng station. Simply ask at the ticket counter for Toh-chen, and away you go. When you exit there will be several taxis waiting outside, and you can tell them you want Ousigao or, in classic expat fashion, simply mime a swimming motion and they’ll figure it out. A few clicks up the highway (heading back North) and you should find a smaller road that runs between the beach and the highway. There is access to it directly off the highway but also down through a park along a large sea wall. Along this road are many small local outfits, selling basic drinks, meals and ice cream (and beer).

The highlight is the surf bar. Run by an adorable couple (who are both rather beautiful), it has English menus and all the staff speak great English. It’s open daily from noon-ish until they close up shop, which depends on the whims of the owners and if anyone is there (late on weekends, earlier on weeknights). They sometimes close up during the afternoon so they can walk down to the beach, surf and sell beer to surfers. The restaurant in the bar sells some great mexican munchies, other snacks and affordable Corona, Heinekin, etc (less than $100 NT).

For accommodation, the cheapest option is the dorm operated by the bar owners. It’s about $300 NT a night, and can get busy on weekends. It’s only one room with twenty beds or more, but it has A/C, hot showers, and is clean. Ask the staff at the bar for details. They can also help you find nicer rooms at guesthouses just a minute or two down the beach road. Anywhere from $1000 to $1500 NT a night will get you a private room with a double bed, A/C and shared/private bath. One of the two guesthouses has an English speaking manager, who can help translate at the other house. Both are brand new establishments and very well kept.

Other than the above options, the beach scene around Taipei is hard to come by. For a day trip, Baishawan is close but swimming is a hassle. For a weekend, head to Toucheng without a doubt. For beaches farther away from Taipei you’ll have to wait for the next entry.

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